Worst case scenario’s

Below you can find the 11 behavioural traps from the 6th module. If you have coped with this, you have been avoiding them via one of the three modes. Avoiding emotions and situations is exhausting. Better to face your fears.

Pick one of your traps and imagine the worst case scenario. feel where the fear or another emotion resonates in your body. Keep making the situation worse and worse, and be with your own inner-child who is going through the emotions.

11 behavioural traps

Emotional neglect

This involves the belief that your needs will never be fulfilled by anyone. Nobody really loves you or understands you. This probably results in being attracted to cold and reticent people. When you are also reticent yourself, due to the fears, it will probably result in failed relationships. You will live between feelings of loneliness, rage and being hurt. Your anger will push people away and maintain the beliefs that cause it. People with this belief generally have no idea what love really is.

Vulnerability

You live with the fear that a disaster can happen at any moment. As a child you have learned that life is not safe and you might not even know what safety is. Your parents might have been overly concerned about your well-being. The fears are not real, yet they control your life. You spend a lot of time in strategies that might temporarily give you a fragile feeling of safety. This can result in fear of being homeless, fear of flying, fear of being robbed, fear of a panic attack etc.

Dependency

If you are trapped in dependency, you feel unable to live your life without the support of others. As a child, people gave you the feeling that you can’t really do things on your own. Later in life you will always be looking for strong shoulders to lean on. Someone else can arrange your life and problems, you keep yourself small.

Inferiority

You feel broken and infected. You don’t believe that there is anyone that could love you for who you are. If people would know you, they would see how  bad you are. You haven’t been respected as a child and even your parents might have bullied you for your weaknesses. You blamed yourself, you were unworthy for the love and approval of your parents or peers. As an adult you are afraid of intimacy, you can barely believe that someone appreciates you. You expect rejection.

Extreme adaptation

You set your own wishes and needs aside for others. Their needs are more important than yours. Others are allowed to decide your choices for you. Maybe you feel guilty and are afraid to hurt others. Maybe you fear punishment or abandonment if you choose yourself. As a child you might have had a dominant parent who pushed you down. As an adult you might pick a dominant partner who can control you or maybe someone who lacks a lot in life and needs your support while she has not a lot to offer back to you.

Distrust and abuse

You are convinced that others would hurt and abuse you. You expect to be cheated, lied to, manipulated, humiliated, being physically hurt etc. You hide behind a wall of distrust to protect yourself. People can’t get close and you distrust their intentions when they do so. You are always expecting the worst outcome. You expect to be betrayed and are unable to open yourself for a real relationship. If you have one, it might even be an act. As a result you can never open yourself up and the burden will heavily weigh on you. Sometimes people with this trap start a relationship with the goal to get hurt, so they can be vengeful afterwards.

Fear of abandonment

This is the feeling that people you love will soon or later leave you for someone else. This can result in clinging on to them, which will eventually lead to pushing them away.  Sometimes you can react extreme to your loved ones in normal situations because you look through the lens of fear of abandonment. In this trap it is common to seek lots of superficial friends, you might never be on your own.

Failure

You believe you are unable to succeed in school, sports or work. A general feeling of always staying behind to do what is expected. Others always seemed to perform better at school for example. People called you dumb and lazy or claimed you lacked discipline. As an adult you keep yourself down by exaggerating your failures and thwarting yourself.

Extreme high demands for yourself

If this is your trap, you always strive for the highest achievements. You can put the emphasis on for example status, money, success, beauty or recognition. This often comes at the cost of your happiness, fun, well-being, health and relationships. You probably have the same norms for other people and you are probably very critical of others. As a child, people expected high achievements from you, or it might have been a coping strategy to deal with one or both of the parents not being able to play the role as the parent. You learned that you always had to perform at the top of your possibilities. Nothing else was good enough.

Demanding to others

Can you accept the realistic restrictions of life? Can you accept life the way it is? People with this trap feel they are special. They expect to always get their way. It is easy to overlook other people’s opinions on what is reasonable and what not. You lack self-discipline. Lots of people with this trap were both spoiled and neglected as children. As a result there was a lack of boundaries, you were not expected to withhold sometimes. You played life with different rules than other children. As an adult you can develop rage for not getting what you want.

Social isolation

With this trap you didn’t feel like you belonged to anyone or a group as a child. You felt unwanted. As an adult you perpetuate this feeling by avoiding connection. This can be caused by a feeling of unworthiness, fear of rejection and you will act accordingly. You can for example think you are ugly and sexually unattractive, or that your social skills are failing to be able to create what you crave for. This trap is often hard to identify as it might not be obvious to the outside world.

Some examples

  • Having no money and living on the street
  • Your parents left you to die without any food
  • Being laughed at and ridiculed by others
  • Nobody wants to speak with you or be near you
  • Everything you do is a failure
  • Your anger is so destructive that you destroy everything
  • You are so extremely ugly
  • You are on a stage and can’t speak
    Etc.